a few good bats

(with apologies to aaron sorkin, who did nothing to deserve this)

fauci: son, we live in a world that has bats, and those bats have to be experimented on by men with NIAID grants. who's gonna do it? you? the wimps at DARPA? i have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. you weep for wuhan and you curse their institute of virology. you have that luxury. you have the luxury of not knowing what i know -- that this global pandemic, while tragic, probably saved lives; and my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

you don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me in that cave -- you need me in that cave.

we use words like "spike protein" "gain of function" "illegal vaccine program." we use these words as the backbone of a life spent feathering nests and generating plausible deniability. you use them as a punch line.

i have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the nagging cough of the diseases that i provide and then questions the side effects of the half baked vaccines we licensed out and claimed would stop them.

i would rather that you just said "thank you" and went on your way. otherwise, i suggest you pick up a virus and serially passage it though some rodents! either way, i don't give a DAMN what you think you're entitled to!

senator paul: did you order the gain of function?

fauci: I did the job --

senator paul: -- did you order the gain of function?!

fauci: YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I DID!!!

and, FADE.