My family had a very similar situation: a man who took control of our father’s elderly cousin suffering with dementia in an effort to steal all of his assets. And he did succeed. My father was his next of kin and visited him about 3x a year as he seemed to mentally deteriorate. He then disappeared. Turned out his stepson had sold his hou…
My family had a very similar situation: a man who took control of our father’s elderly cousin suffering with dementia in an effort to steal all of his assets. And he did succeed. My father was his next of kin and visited him about 3x a year as he seemed to mentally deteriorate. He then disappeared. Turned out his stepson had sold his house, moved him, taken power of attorney, bought him a new house but as tenants in common which allowed him to assume ownership on our father’s cousin’s death which happened soon after. Meanwhile my father was having to play detective to track his cousin down- found him 3 weeks after he died. Stepson knew about our father and hid his cousin from him. Stepson was 40 when his mother married our father’s cousin (late marriage, wife died soon after so, adult stepson for 5 years with no obligations because my father was next of kin and visited). Definitely a narcissist.
This sort of thing can happen all too easily. The problem is that it’s rare enough for the normal, sane victim to think “this can’t be happening, it’s so brazen, I must’ve got something wrong”. This plays right into the narcissists strategy of carrying on with being brazen, especially if there’s a big dollop of gaslighting and projection (he complained he had to pay for the tombstone so could he please be reimbursed).
This is a parallel issue with family courts. The rights over a human person can change from theirself or their parents to the state, a professional, or in your case step family, all lacking due process. In terms of guardianship of adults, Sam Sugar has done some incredible interviews, especially on the Maryanne Petri's Slam the Gavel. His organization gives some advice on how to protect you and your family from guardianship.
Similar story happened to an elderly, well-to-do great-aunt years ago. She happened to live (out of state from all her relatives) on her own for many years after her husband passed (no kids). She was isolated on a ranch and was not fond of family visiting. So the family was well behind events as they were happening; the first we learned things were not well was when her deceased brother’s kids (who had moved cross-country for this) answered her door with a weapon to hand, letting inquiring family members know that no, they could not visit their great-aunt as she was sleeping and could not be disturbed. Things went fast after that, culminating in a last hospitalization for her under suspect circumstances, and a even more suspect ending during that hospital visit. By the time her will (everything went to her brother’s kids, despite years of mentions that she wanted to leave it all to her local community) had been read, everything was cemented in stone and the lawyer that my family pooled in for was quick to say that all was legally correct, so sorry. Last I grass, they sold all timber and then the property itself and started a small business on the west coast. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t seem to learn much from this, and so I (only kid) went through a different version of this when they went. You really can’t imagine at the time it’s going on that this terrible thing really is happening and by the time you do, the damages are done.
I’m sorry to hear that story. It seems that this sort of behaviour is fairly prevalent. When it involves money, people show their true colours. I too am going through a different version of this with another family member who ticks all the boxes for narcissistic traits. I didn’t mention it above because it hasn’t played out yet.
I think this thread is useful to other readers, especially younger people who might not have experienced this sort of situation yet. I would say not to be too paranoid but if someone starts to show a pattern that looks as if they’re making a play to steal an inheritance, don’t spend to long in the adjustment phase where you debate whether your misreading the situation or not. Start delving, start asking awkward questions early on (but I know that’s difficult if they’re wielding a gun!). Getting access to the victim and assuring them of your 100% support for them is paramount. I’ve had to do this and have also told the ‘vulture’ that I’ll fight them in the courts with no hesitation if they try again what they had already tried and I stopped.
Good for you! So sorry to hear you are in the midst of all that though. Sometimes it is difficult to realize what’s going on unless you are very close to the vulnerable person. I recall one time I moved to a new area and the next door elderly disabled lady was very kind and we spent time conversing on her better days, since she was right next door. However, after a month or so, one of her favorite caregivers pulled me aside privately and said in no uncertain terms I needed to stay away from her. She was very adamant and unpleasant; completely different from how she normally acted around the elderly lady. I thought about it and decided to do so because I was not a relative and did not need to stir any pots. But it does go to show how things can sometimes easily slip under the radar.
That’s creepy and I’m sorry to hear you had that dilemma of whether to carry on talking to her. I’ve read a fair number of stories in the papers about nefarious carers over the years. Relatives and neighbours need to be ever vigilant especially when there are no close relatives around.
My second comment here (below/above?) was directed to you, Maureen but I’m not sure if it shows as being to you. I don’t understand these vertical thread lines and which replies they refer to.
Agreed. My parents differed from my great aunt by not having a lot of cash, etc. But they did have a house full of antiques. All of which went through the court system with no mention of where they went. Never did get to see a paper record of any accounting. My dad’s car disappeared three days after he passed; nobody knew anything. So sorry you had to go through something like this as well. It is life-changing. 😞
My sisters and I got involved with a group of people whose professions draw them into the orb of sociopathic women praying on wealthy, older men in Southern California. It’s not a small problem.
My family had a very similar situation: a man who took control of our father’s elderly cousin suffering with dementia in an effort to steal all of his assets. And he did succeed. My father was his next of kin and visited him about 3x a year as he seemed to mentally deteriorate. He then disappeared. Turned out his stepson had sold his house, moved him, taken power of attorney, bought him a new house but as tenants in common which allowed him to assume ownership on our father’s cousin’s death which happened soon after. Meanwhile my father was having to play detective to track his cousin down- found him 3 weeks after he died. Stepson knew about our father and hid his cousin from him. Stepson was 40 when his mother married our father’s cousin (late marriage, wife died soon after so, adult stepson for 5 years with no obligations because my father was next of kin and visited). Definitely a narcissist.
This sort of thing can happen all too easily. The problem is that it’s rare enough for the normal, sane victim to think “this can’t be happening, it’s so brazen, I must’ve got something wrong”. This plays right into the narcissists strategy of carrying on with being brazen, especially if there’s a big dollop of gaslighting and projection (he complained he had to pay for the tombstone so could he please be reimbursed).
This is a parallel issue with family courts. The rights over a human person can change from theirself or their parents to the state, a professional, or in your case step family, all lacking due process. In terms of guardianship of adults, Sam Sugar has done some incredible interviews, especially on the Maryanne Petri's Slam the Gavel. His organization gives some advice on how to protect you and your family from guardianship.
Similar story happened to an elderly, well-to-do great-aunt years ago. She happened to live (out of state from all her relatives) on her own for many years after her husband passed (no kids). She was isolated on a ranch and was not fond of family visiting. So the family was well behind events as they were happening; the first we learned things were not well was when her deceased brother’s kids (who had moved cross-country for this) answered her door with a weapon to hand, letting inquiring family members know that no, they could not visit their great-aunt as she was sleeping and could not be disturbed. Things went fast after that, culminating in a last hospitalization for her under suspect circumstances, and a even more suspect ending during that hospital visit. By the time her will (everything went to her brother’s kids, despite years of mentions that she wanted to leave it all to her local community) had been read, everything was cemented in stone and the lawyer that my family pooled in for was quick to say that all was legally correct, so sorry. Last I grass, they sold all timber and then the property itself and started a small business on the west coast. Unfortunately, my parents didn’t seem to learn much from this, and so I (only kid) went through a different version of this when they went. You really can’t imagine at the time it’s going on that this terrible thing really is happening and by the time you do, the damages are done.
I’m sorry to hear that story. It seems that this sort of behaviour is fairly prevalent. When it involves money, people show their true colours. I too am going through a different version of this with another family member who ticks all the boxes for narcissistic traits. I didn’t mention it above because it hasn’t played out yet.
I think this thread is useful to other readers, especially younger people who might not have experienced this sort of situation yet. I would say not to be too paranoid but if someone starts to show a pattern that looks as if they’re making a play to steal an inheritance, don’t spend to long in the adjustment phase where you debate whether your misreading the situation or not. Start delving, start asking awkward questions early on (but I know that’s difficult if they’re wielding a gun!). Getting access to the victim and assuring them of your 100% support for them is paramount. I’ve had to do this and have also told the ‘vulture’ that I’ll fight them in the courts with no hesitation if they try again what they had already tried and I stopped.
Good for you! So sorry to hear you are in the midst of all that though. Sometimes it is difficult to realize what’s going on unless you are very close to the vulnerable person. I recall one time I moved to a new area and the next door elderly disabled lady was very kind and we spent time conversing on her better days, since she was right next door. However, after a month or so, one of her favorite caregivers pulled me aside privately and said in no uncertain terms I needed to stay away from her. She was very adamant and unpleasant; completely different from how she normally acted around the elderly lady. I thought about it and decided to do so because I was not a relative and did not need to stir any pots. But it does go to show how things can sometimes easily slip under the radar.
That’s creepy and I’m sorry to hear you had that dilemma of whether to carry on talking to her. I’ve read a fair number of stories in the papers about nefarious carers over the years. Relatives and neighbours need to be ever vigilant especially when there are no close relatives around.
My second comment here (below/above?) was directed to you, Maureen but I’m not sure if it shows as being to you. I don’t understand these vertical thread lines and which replies they refer to.
Agreed. My parents differed from my great aunt by not having a lot of cash, etc. But they did have a house full of antiques. All of which went through the court system with no mention of where they went. Never did get to see a paper record of any accounting. My dad’s car disappeared three days after he passed; nobody knew anything. So sorry you had to go through something like this as well. It is life-changing. 😞
Thank you for your input which helps to build up a picture of the different ways this phenomenon manifests itself.
My sisters and I got involved with a group of people whose professions draw them into the orb of sociopathic women praying on wealthy, older men in Southern California. It’s not a small problem.
Thanks, it’s interesting to see these stories to build up some sort of overall picture even though they’re depressing to see!