Just one thing, please try not to use the "R" word or any memes containing this word. It is extremely offensive to people with intellectual disabilities and their families. Using this word encourages people to mistreat those who have these kinds of disabilities. Furthermore, there is a silent genocide going on against people with Down…
Just one thing, please try not to use the "R" word or any memes containing this word. It is extremely offensive to people with intellectual disabilities and their families. Using this word encourages people to mistreat those who have these kinds of disabilities. Furthermore, there is a silent genocide going on against people with Down's Syndrome and similar conditions--in Iceland, for example, the government announced the abortion rate of fetuses with Down's is now 100%, which they see as a good thing. Should a couple decide to defy the government and bring such a child to term, I doubt they will see much, if anything, in the way of social services. In the US it isn't much better. Maybe some people don't have a problem with targeting such children for extinction using prenatal search and destroy methods. After all, they are just "retards" and not worth anything, right?
My son is downs. I would share both our outlooks with you. Neither of us are offended or affected by the words or labels of others. My son and I both hold the power of our lives. Words do indeed have power, but only that which WE allow. Words only have the power we give to them.
It has helped both of us. I hope this helps. Or not.. That is up to you 😉💕
I am glad that it helped both of you. But that word has had a terrible effect on my life and on those around me. It was a word that taught me to HATE people like your son. It was a word that taught me to HATE myself because I was in special ed for a learning disability (probably undiagnosed aspergers). It was a word that taught me to HATE and DESPISE a sibling with a physical handicap. To this day I struggle to keep my feelings in check when I am around people with certain disabilities. They must never know what I am thinking and feeling inside. But I was taught, and taught well by my peers and by the school system, by a teacher that encouraged the other students to pick on me, what it meant to be labeled with that word. It did not teach me acceptance or tolerance or compassion. I had to HATE in order to distance myself from that label. I have to distance myself from those with disabilities so as not to be considered "one of those people." When you have had a certain label follow you around all your life despite your best efforts to shed it, when even now when I am in my sixties I have coworkers make remarks like calling me "short bus" and other similar terms, it leaves a mark. And please don't tell me that I don't come across as being learning disabled or autistic or whatever because of my ability to write and express myself. You don't interact with me on a daily basis. All I can say is that there is something certain people pick up about me, something that has to do with my mental ability, and while some of them will say "I am only joking" when they say these things, it is not a joke. It has affected my outlook on life; it has affected the kinds of medical decisions I make or want made for me in the future. And no, I am not proud of this. But this is what one little word has done.
About 20 years ago, I found a lump and went to the doctor and was told, quite callously, that yup, it could be cancer, before he walked out of the room. The nurse found me in tears. That night when I got home, I received a phone call. From a teenager. "Retard, retard, you're a retard!" she sang out and hung up before I could identify the voice. To this day I don't know who it was but I have my suspicions. It was not a random call. It was targeted. Sort of like calling up the only Black family on the street and saying the n-word. What this person does not know and will never know, is that I was at probably one of the lowest points of my life. I made a decision right then and there that I have told very few people about. I said, if this is cancer, I will not fight it. I will ask for palliative measures only. Because I am tired of this sort of thing. That was 20 years ago and I have not changed my mind. I am here writing this only because it was not cancer. This is what this word does.
I believe as civilized humans, we have an obligation to not gratuitously give offense -- especially to people whose circumstances may have rubbed their feelings raw. So I ask this not in a confrontational way, but out of genuine curiosity and a desire to make communication better -- what words or terms should be substituted, when we are trying to label stupid behavior? "Retarded" was introduced into the clinical literature post WWII as a kinder, gentler replacement for terms like "idiot", "moron," "imbecile", and "cretin" -- which before 1950 were actual medical terms defined by specific IQ test ranges, but were viewed as demeaning and insulting. (And which still appeared in high school health textbooks in the 1970s, because I saw them with my own 9th grade eyes.) What should we use instead?
As I mentioned recently... eventually we will have our "little red book of allowable sayings". I understand TAM's concern of course, but something said without malice or ill will should always be allowed. We *choose* to be offended just as we choose to blow something off. Egg shell walking has become a mandatory skill in the world anymore, and is "expertly" taught... in our school systems.
Why not simply say stupid behavior? Or doesn't have the brains God gave a rock? The bigger question is, why do we even have to label people by intelligence? Why do we have to single out an entire group of people? If it's not ok to say of a shoddy job that it was N-rigged, then it should be equally not ok to use any of these terms.
Just one thing, please try not to use the "R" word or any memes containing this word. It is extremely offensive to people with intellectual disabilities and their families. Using this word encourages people to mistreat those who have these kinds of disabilities. Furthermore, there is a silent genocide going on against people with Down's Syndrome and similar conditions--in Iceland, for example, the government announced the abortion rate of fetuses with Down's is now 100%, which they see as a good thing. Should a couple decide to defy the government and bring such a child to term, I doubt they will see much, if anything, in the way of social services. In the US it isn't much better. Maybe some people don't have a problem with targeting such children for extinction using prenatal search and destroy methods. After all, they are just "retards" and not worth anything, right?
My son is downs. I would share both our outlooks with you. Neither of us are offended or affected by the words or labels of others. My son and I both hold the power of our lives. Words do indeed have power, but only that which WE allow. Words only have the power we give to them.
It has helped both of us. I hope this helps. Or not.. That is up to you 😉💕
I am glad that it helped both of you. But that word has had a terrible effect on my life and on those around me. It was a word that taught me to HATE people like your son. It was a word that taught me to HATE myself because I was in special ed for a learning disability (probably undiagnosed aspergers). It was a word that taught me to HATE and DESPISE a sibling with a physical handicap. To this day I struggle to keep my feelings in check when I am around people with certain disabilities. They must never know what I am thinking and feeling inside. But I was taught, and taught well by my peers and by the school system, by a teacher that encouraged the other students to pick on me, what it meant to be labeled with that word. It did not teach me acceptance or tolerance or compassion. I had to HATE in order to distance myself from that label. I have to distance myself from those with disabilities so as not to be considered "one of those people." When you have had a certain label follow you around all your life despite your best efforts to shed it, when even now when I am in my sixties I have coworkers make remarks like calling me "short bus" and other similar terms, it leaves a mark. And please don't tell me that I don't come across as being learning disabled or autistic or whatever because of my ability to write and express myself. You don't interact with me on a daily basis. All I can say is that there is something certain people pick up about me, something that has to do with my mental ability, and while some of them will say "I am only joking" when they say these things, it is not a joke. It has affected my outlook on life; it has affected the kinds of medical decisions I make or want made for me in the future. And no, I am not proud of this. But this is what one little word has done.
About 20 years ago, I found a lump and went to the doctor and was told, quite callously, that yup, it could be cancer, before he walked out of the room. The nurse found me in tears. That night when I got home, I received a phone call. From a teenager. "Retard, retard, you're a retard!" she sang out and hung up before I could identify the voice. To this day I don't know who it was but I have my suspicions. It was not a random call. It was targeted. Sort of like calling up the only Black family on the street and saying the n-word. What this person does not know and will never know, is that I was at probably one of the lowest points of my life. I made a decision right then and there that I have told very few people about. I said, if this is cancer, I will not fight it. I will ask for palliative measures only. Because I am tired of this sort of thing. That was 20 years ago and I have not changed my mind. I am here writing this only because it was not cancer. This is what this word does.
I am sorry for you, then.
I believe as civilized humans, we have an obligation to not gratuitously give offense -- especially to people whose circumstances may have rubbed their feelings raw. So I ask this not in a confrontational way, but out of genuine curiosity and a desire to make communication better -- what words or terms should be substituted, when we are trying to label stupid behavior? "Retarded" was introduced into the clinical literature post WWII as a kinder, gentler replacement for terms like "idiot", "moron," "imbecile", and "cretin" -- which before 1950 were actual medical terms defined by specific IQ test ranges, but were viewed as demeaning and insulting. (And which still appeared in high school health textbooks in the 1970s, because I saw them with my own 9th grade eyes.) What should we use instead?
As I mentioned recently... eventually we will have our "little red book of allowable sayings". I understand TAM's concern of course, but something said without malice or ill will should always be allowed. We *choose* to be offended just as we choose to blow something off. Egg shell walking has become a mandatory skill in the world anymore, and is "expertly" taught... in our school systems.
Why not simply say stupid behavior? Or doesn't have the brains God gave a rock? The bigger question is, why do we even have to label people by intelligence? Why do we have to single out an entire group of people? If it's not ok to say of a shoddy job that it was N-rigged, then it should be equally not ok to use any of these terms.