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are masks a deductible expense on my taxes? (Asking for a friend...)

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If a requirement to do business, I think the answer is yes. I never worried about it, wore the same dirty, useless mask for the whole time, on the occasions that someone asked me to. Easier than trying to convince Karen she's been bamboozled and is under the spell of mass formation psychosis. Price of that one mask (I think I got it free) -- not worth the effort to write it off.

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Lab rats, and damaged and dead lab rats, are not required to pay taxes.

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