Sources reveal that an initiative is underway to regulate the manufacture, distribution, and use of hammers.
Government spokesbeings confirm that the Ministry of Hammers is expected to be moved into their new $1,234,567,890 building by the spring of 2030. Facilities to house the newly formed 25,000 member hammer police force should be available by 2032.
Sources reveal that an initiative is underway to regulate the manufacture, distribution, and use of hammers.
Government spokesbeings confirm that the Ministry of Hammers is expected to be moved into their new $1,234,567,890 building by the spring of 2030. Facilities to house the newly formed 25,000 member hammer police force should be available by 2032.
Brilliant! Have they considered the added safety of mandating the hammer-part and claw-part be manufactured separately, kept stored separately in locked compartments and registered with the local PD?
Can't have people having access to assault hammers!
What about military grade hammers.... or so called "ghost" hammers. People are now 3D printing hammers!!! We should ban 3D printers as well.
I just hope one day, it will be illegal to "buy, sell, import or transfer" any type of hand hammer.
I know people use hammers for construction, especially in rural areas, but we should still require people to have hammer licenses. Safe storage as you mentioned, of hammers is also an absolute must.
I was raised on a ranch. Every piece of equipment had it's very own hammer. Tractors, balers, cultivators, hay wagons, the windmills and pumps - each with a hammer in the tool box.
And my Dad, the hired hands, my brother and I all had hammers, (and fencing tools) permanently stored in our saddle bags.
Perhaps the single most versatile tool invented by man!
Would you call that a "legitimate sporting purpose" for your hammers? Nooooo...Clearly you were all a bunch of rural right wing extremists with all those hammers! OMG! Can you imagine - just anyone can walk into any hardware store - even CHILDREN! - and buy deadly hammers. And we all know that hammers, acting on their own, commit murder! And everybody knows that you take a sane and reasonable person, put a hammer in their hand, and they turn into a mass murder!
Ok even for me that's sarcasm beyond the extreme. This is fun!
I agree. The term "Monkey wrench" is problematic. The term has roots in racist, misogynistic and colonial practices. A much more inclusive term would be "simian type tool".
Be careful what you wish for. It may get published and then some woke minister of wokeism somewhere with think it is a grand idea and implement policy based upon it. Wokeites elsewhere will become jealous of the first minister to use your paper and will then compete to see who cane push this the farthest into insane land.
No! And if the Hammer Police catch you tying a rock to stick, even with traditional sinew, you're doomed to a hammerless life driving nails or tent pegs with the back of your axe.
What about kids on the playgrounds pretending that twigs and sticks are hammers? we need to do something about that! We should make any website with hammer related content screen for age and not allow anyone under the age of 21 to see hammer content.
OMG that kid over there has a "hammer time" teeshirt!
I remember, long ago, kids playing cowpersons and indigenous inhabitants. No doubt many of those unfortunates spent years in therapy, attempting to recover from the trauma caused by the toy hammers their parents so mindlessly allowed them to carry in holsters.
Military grade hammers? You mean like the trusty crescent hammer we used in the navy?
Crescent hammer: a crescent wrench used as a hammer because somehow, all the hammers aboard ship have gone UA. With the exception of the BFH, which as its name implies is just too faucing big to carry all the time and too big for most tasks any way.
CDC recommends that due to the crisis of SATS following novel hammer blows to the hand. Gloves should be worn to mitigate trauma to the fingers at large gatherings of hammers. Any gloves will do however, from surgical gloves to the N95 of gloves also known as boxing gloves. Also proper social distancing should be engaged to ensure proper distance between the hand and hammer.
Spokesman Anthony Fauci recommended multiple gloves for added trauma protection.
Hammers kill more people than "assault weapons". They are also useful tools in all sorts of capitalist endeavors meaning you may be doing a Nostradamus thing...
Just when you thought the hammer thread had run it's course....
Headline: "The national carpenter's union has agreed to support the DNC platform of hammer control legislation noting that if it saves even one life somehow it's worth it"
Sources reveal that an initiative is underway to regulate the manufacture, distribution, and use of hammers.
Government spokesbeings confirm that the Ministry of Hammers is expected to be moved into their new $1,234,567,890 building by the spring of 2030. Facilities to house the newly formed 25,000 member hammer police force should be available by 2032.
Brilliant! Have they considered the added safety of mandating the hammer-part and claw-part be manufactured separately, kept stored separately in locked compartments and registered with the local PD?
Can't have people having access to assault hammers!
What about military grade hammers.... or so called "ghost" hammers. People are now 3D printing hammers!!! We should ban 3D printers as well.
I just hope one day, it will be illegal to "buy, sell, import or transfer" any type of hand hammer.
I know people use hammers for construction, especially in rural areas, but we should still require people to have hammer licenses. Safe storage as you mentioned, of hammers is also an absolute must.
Absolutely.
DNA-registered hammer licenses at that. A limit on the numbers of hammers a citizen may own during their life.
And what about wrenches? "Monkey wrench"? We need to get a DEI/ESG-task force set up on that one.
Who really needs more than one hammer?
I was raised on a ranch. Every piece of equipment had it's very own hammer. Tractors, balers, cultivators, hay wagons, the windmills and pumps - each with a hammer in the tool box.
And my Dad, the hired hands, my brother and I all had hammers, (and fencing tools) permanently stored in our saddle bags.
Perhaps the single most versatile tool invented by man!
Yah.
I'll throw my hat in the ring by saying I'd pick an axe over a hammer, since the back of the axe is a hammer, but that's nitpicking, really.
Time was, a man was expected to be able to build a log cabin using only an axe.
No shade for egm...
But this reply thread was the highlight of this post.
We strive to please ... and if we fail, there's always the hammer.
Pelosi-gram?
Thankfully the city of SF has enacted the strongest hammer control laws in the entire nation. There will be no more hammer violence in SF!
I have a buddy who grew up on a horse ranch - anything can be a hammer if you have the skills :-)
True, but its really, really hard to pull nails with a rock.
become one with the rock, young learner. Visualize the nails going into the wood.
Would you call that a "legitimate sporting purpose" for your hammers? Nooooo...Clearly you were all a bunch of rural right wing extremists with all those hammers! OMG! Can you imagine - just anyone can walk into any hardware store - even CHILDREN! - and buy deadly hammers. And we all know that hammers, acting on their own, commit murder! And everybody knows that you take a sane and reasonable person, put a hammer in their hand, and they turn into a mass murder!
Ok even for me that's sarcasm beyond the extreme. This is fun!
Should we consider placing Andy on the Hammer Terror watch list? He's my buddy...but I feel pressured...
No pressure, I & K.
I'm already on the list. See R's comment above re assault hammers
ЁЯШВЁЯдг
As mentioned- best thread on the post!
I agree. The term "Monkey wrench" is problematic. The term has roots in racist, misogynistic and colonial practices. A much more inclusive term would be "simian type tool".
We could actually turn this into a real paper, maybe even a thesis statement.
"Tool names and the inherent oppression in the names of same"
I mean... screwdriver? Slide-ruler? Nut-driver? Ball Peen Hammer? Gooseneck wrecking bar?
Get ChatGPT or some other ChatBot to write it up and submit it to some feminist-woke-whatever magazine, I'll bet you they'd publish it.
ShouldnтАЩt it be тАЬsystemicтАЭ oppression?
unconscious, inherent systemic oppression!
Never mind the magazines - we can get this published in almost any peer reviewed journal these days.
Sadly - that is probably true.
Be careful what you wish for. It may get published and then some woke minister of wokeism somewhere with think it is a grand idea and implement policy based upon it. Wokeites elsewhere will become jealous of the first minister to use your paper and will then compete to see who cane push this the farthest into insane land.
What about 3D Printed ghost hammers? Can I still make those?
No! And if the Hammer Police catch you tying a rock to stick, even with traditional sinew, you're doomed to a hammerless life driving nails or tent pegs with the back of your axe.
What about kids on the playgrounds pretending that twigs and sticks are hammers? we need to do something about that! We should make any website with hammer related content screen for age and not allow anyone under the age of 21 to see hammer content.
OMG that kid over there has a "hammer time" teeshirt!
I remember, long ago, kids playing cowpersons and indigenous inhabitants. No doubt many of those unfortunates spent years in therapy, attempting to recover from the trauma caused by the toy hammers their parents so mindlessly allowed them to carry in holsters.
oh the pain...just remember when you go see your therapist to wear your mask!
Military grade hammers? You mean like the trusty crescent hammer we used in the navy?
Crescent hammer: a crescent wrench used as a hammer because somehow, all the hammers aboard ship have gone UA. With the exception of the BFH, which as its name implies is just too faucing big to carry all the time and too big for most tasks any way.
How prescient of you! A task force is being formed to address that very issue!
CDC recommends that due to the crisis of SATS following novel hammer blows to the hand. Gloves should be worn to mitigate trauma to the fingers at large gatherings of hammers. Any gloves will do however, from surgical gloves to the N95 of gloves also known as boxing gloves. Also proper social distancing should be engaged to ensure proper distance between the hand and hammer.
Spokesman Anthony Fauci recommended multiple gloves for added trauma protection.
Hammers kill more people than "assault weapons". They are also useful tools in all sorts of capitalist endeavors meaning you may be doing a Nostradamus thing...
That's right! The hammer is the tool of the imperialist capitalist pigs!
Down with hammers!
(oh boy my side hurts)
Just when you thought the hammer thread had run it's course....
Headline: "The national carpenter's union has agreed to support the DNC platform of hammer control legislation noting that if it saves even one life somehow it's worth it"
Great!