professor gato's intro to restaurant physics

much of the material taught in this class seems counter intuitive but it will make sense once we get all the way through, so please hold your questions until the end.

principal one: despite the fact that a 100-150nm virion takes around 2 weeks to fall 5 feet to the floor, virions are highly localized. they will not stray more than 6 feet from an exposure source. many have questioned this finding’s plausibility, but the answer is obvious once you hear it:

“because, science.”

this is, of course, exactly how “smoking sections” used to work. (the same was true of airplanes, which, because they have kitchens, also fall into this specialized realm of physics.)

similarly, many seem puzzled by the ability to eat safely while unmasked while needing to mask up immediately when standing.

some have posited that this is because covid is an unusually polite virus or that, like t-rex, it can only see you when you move. alas, both these explanations are, to any trained researcher, clearly fanciful.

the correct answer, of course, is:

“because, science.”

be wary of extrapolation to non-restaurant environments as the laws of physics change and attempts to apply these rules in other areas are unlikely to yield useful results.

this is plainly silly.

IF YOU WEAR TWO SWIM SUITS YOU CAN PEE IN THE POOL THIS SUMMER - )

of course, this would absolutely work if pools had kitchens, but for obscure anthropological reasons, very few such swimming facilities remain.

it is, of course, fully safe to have food prepared by multiple strangers in unseen locations and delivered to you by other strangers.

widespread belief is that this owes to exacting standards, but as any who have conducted field work in this space can attest, this claim fails to hold up under scrutiny.

Restaurant food is low risk · A Journal of the Plague Year · Covid-19  Archive

the real reason that this is safe, is, of course:

“because, science!”

i realize this is a great deal of material to absorb on the first day of the course, so we’ll stop here for today.

any questions from the class?