I suspect "the seeming lack of desire on the part of multiple therapists to actually help with some healing" may be as simple as old fashioned, straightforward, self interest.
Consider, for example, the "war on drugs", the "poverty industry", the indigenous industry, the famous "military/industrial complex", or the medical/pharma grifters club. Then there's the UN, and the biggest scam of all, government. All governments. Think about the tens of thousands of foundations, associations - and NGOs, all working toward some much touted "greater good". For the benefit of, of course, *insert victim group de jour here*.
Each of these entities, as well intentioned as their founders may have been, seems to have, inevitably, metastasized into ever more powerful manifestation of pure greed, seeking, no - demanding - more. More funding! MORE funding! More Power! GIVE US MORE!
And, in most cases, delivering ever less.
All of them.
Because - if they fix "the problem", we wouldn't need them any more.
I used to volunteer for the board of directors of a women's shelter. The staff would regularly report to us on the occupancy levels of the home.
Something I found very disturbing was that they were always happiest when the home was full. But I guess they knew what side their bread was buttered on.
Years later I found out about Erin Pizzey. She's the EX-feminist who started the first women's shelter in the UK. Pizzey did what most people will not - she tried to find out what was causing the problem she was trying to help solve.
According to Wikipedia, "...{Pizzey] has been the subject of death threats and boycotts because her experience and research into the issue led her to conclude that most domestic violence is reciprocal, and that women are as capable of violence as men. These threats eventually led to her exile from the UK. Pizzey has said that the threats were from militant feminists."
It isn't politically possible to have serious talks about it. Plkus of course that men being stronger means that where he might feel pain from a punch, she will have fractures. That sort of skews the issue no matter the ratios.
Sadly, I no longer have access to a research report (canadian?) about domestic violence/spousal abuse and sexual orientation so I can't source this but I do remember that the worst most frequent offenders with the most sadistic forms of abuse were lesbians, followed by heteros, and then homosexual men.
Between lesbians, the violence was studied, thought out and drawn out and very very sadistic, bordering on outright mutilations. Between homosexuals, it rarely went beyond throwing things and slaps.
I remeemeber the reasearcher pointing out that the study hadn't gone into /why/ and that she had been denied funding to follow it up to look into that.
Take this with lots of salt, it's from memory and it's been 10-15 years or more since I read it.
I was surprised when I learned this. I'd traditionally experienced lesbians as women who had been harmed by men, and stayed with their own kind. Had that "utopian women's community" image in my mind. Then, in the 90's, living next door to a lesbian couple, we had to take one to shelter.... eye opening.
I started to gain deeper understanding in the 1990s when my own studies in "ideas of history/history of ideas" coincided with my wife's work in women's studies.
Men may have sometimes brutish and boorish group dynamics, but that was a Spring wind compared to what I experienced (to say nothing of what my wife endured!) re: academic feminism, women's studies and so on.
The understanding I have is that men are stronger, more reckless, and prone to rages that rise and fall over a ten-minute cycle. Women are weaker, more cautious, and slower to anger, but once they are angered it never goes away.
Hence, the warnings about "the female of the species" and "Hell hath no fury..."
"The [US] Centers for Disease Control and PreventionтАЩs 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey reports on the lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, focusing for the first time on victimization by sexual orientation. It finds a victimization prevalence of 43.8 percent for lesbians, making it the second most affected group after bisexual women (61.1 percent), ahead of bisexual men (37.3 percent), heterosexual women (35 percent), heterosexual men (29 percent) and homosexual men (26 percent)."
Wow! Thank you - being "accused" of having an excellent memory is a rare thing for me these days. Things flow together, the center becoming a congeled mass, to travestise the poet.
To quote one of my professors in pol-sci and sociology (the poor man had tenure in Lund, Sweden and in Hong Kong, he airhopped so he spent one week either place -looked like a junkie due to jetlag):
"If we don't (want) to find out how things are, we are never able to figure out if, what and how anything is to be done!"
Another one of his stuck too, very pertinent to today's academia:
"I'm old enough to speak my mind, I'm five years overdue for retirement anyway!"
When I was living near Indiana University, I had coffee with a PhD student in sociology. His thesis was on the connection between verbal violence and domestic violence. Women can talk circles around men, and often do, and when the men don't have an "answer," they resort to fists. (he was a fascinating bloke, a former rodeo rider, now studying domestic violence!)
There is a connection, and I'm female and have had female friends who could really pour on the verbal violence. I used to do it myself - talking to this ex-rodeo rider was a bit of a turning point for me, in observing how I talked to my spouse.
Yet feminists have long been pushing to have verbal bullying recognized as 'domestic abuse'...
I can think of at least 3 occasions when feminists have changed course and pushed against their own definitions being used, due to those definitions showing women as being more abusive than men.
I know. I have come to believe that they either have donтАЩt really know how to help or they have an agenda that is dictated by the APA, or their personal style or program.
I was thinking that as well. I know everyone isn't like that. I also know most therapist's hands are tied. It seems a little useless sometimes. I don't know. I don't want to give up.
I've been sadly disappointed with the seeming lack of desire on the part of multiple therapists to actually, you know, help with some healing.
I suspect "the seeming lack of desire on the part of multiple therapists to actually help with some healing" may be as simple as old fashioned, straightforward, self interest.
Consider, for example, the "war on drugs", the "poverty industry", the indigenous industry, the famous "military/industrial complex", or the medical/pharma grifters club. Then there's the UN, and the biggest scam of all, government. All governments. Think about the tens of thousands of foundations, associations - and NGOs, all working toward some much touted "greater good". For the benefit of, of course, *insert victim group de jour here*.
Each of these entities, as well intentioned as their founders may have been, seems to have, inevitably, metastasized into ever more powerful manifestation of pure greed, seeking, no - demanding - more. More funding! MORE funding! More Power! GIVE US MORE!
And, in most cases, delivering ever less.
All of them.
Because - if they fix "the problem", we wouldn't need them any more.
I used to volunteer for the board of directors of a women's shelter. The staff would regularly report to us on the occupancy levels of the home.
Something I found very disturbing was that they were always happiest when the home was full. But I guess they knew what side their bread was buttered on.
Years later I found out about Erin Pizzey. She's the EX-feminist who started the first women's shelter in the UK. Pizzey did what most people will not - she tried to find out what was causing the problem she was trying to help solve.
According to Wikipedia, "...{Pizzey] has been the subject of death threats and boycotts because her experience and research into the issue led her to conclude that most domestic violence is reciprocal, and that women are as capable of violence as men. These threats eventually led to her exile from the UK. Pizzey has said that the threats were from militant feminists."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey
So much for violence against women being all about men.
It isn't politically possible to have serious talks about it. Plkus of course that men being stronger means that where he might feel pain from a punch, she will have fractures. That sort of skews the issue no matter the ratios.
Sadly, I no longer have access to a research report (canadian?) about domestic violence/spousal abuse and sexual orientation so I can't source this but I do remember that the worst most frequent offenders with the most sadistic forms of abuse were lesbians, followed by heteros, and then homosexual men.
Between lesbians, the violence was studied, thought out and drawn out and very very sadistic, bordering on outright mutilations. Between homosexuals, it rarely went beyond throwing things and slaps.
I remeemeber the reasearcher pointing out that the study hadn't gone into /why/ and that she had been denied funding to follow it up to look into that.
Take this with lots of salt, it's from memory and it's been 10-15 years or more since I read it.
I was surprised when I learned this. I'd traditionally experienced lesbians as women who had been harmed by men, and stayed with their own kind. Had that "utopian women's community" image in my mind. Then, in the 90's, living next door to a lesbian couple, we had to take one to shelter.... eye opening.
Same here, sort of.
I started to gain deeper understanding in the 1990s when my own studies in "ideas of history/history of ideas" coincided with my wife's work in women's studies.
Men may have sometimes brutish and boorish group dynamics, but that was a Spring wind compared to what I experienced (to say nothing of what my wife endured!) re: academic feminism, women's studies and so on.
The understanding I have is that men are stronger, more reckless, and prone to rages that rise and fall over a ten-minute cycle. Women are weaker, more cautious, and slower to anger, but once they are angered it never goes away.
Hence, the warnings about "the female of the species" and "Hell hath no fury..."
https://web.archive.org/web/20190607102158/https://web.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
Thank you Big!
Anyone interested in the topic better save the linked list of studies, just saying.
Stunning. And I thought I was informed on this subject.
You have an excellent memory, Rikard.
"The [US] Centers for Disease Control and PreventionтАЩs 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey reports on the lifetime prevalence of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner, focusing for the first time on victimization by sexual orientation. It finds a victimization prevalence of 43.8 percent for lesbians, making it the second most affected group after bisexual women (61.1 percent), ahead of bisexual men (37.3 percent), heterosexual women (35 percent), heterosexual men (29 percent) and homosexual men (26 percent)."
https://wentworthreport.com/2017/01/08/rate-of-domestic-violence-highest-in-lesbian-relationships/
Wow! Thank you - being "accused" of having an excellent memory is a rare thing for me these days. Things flow together, the center becoming a congeled mass, to travestise the poet.
To quote one of my professors in pol-sci and sociology (the poor man had tenure in Lund, Sweden and in Hong Kong, he airhopped so he spent one week either place -looked like a junkie due to jetlag):
"If we don't (want) to find out how things are, we are never able to figure out if, what and how anything is to be done!"
Another one of his stuck too, very pertinent to today's academia:
"I'm old enough to speak my mind, I'm five years overdue for retirement anyway!"
Your professor had wise words.
When I was living near Indiana University, I had coffee with a PhD student in sociology. His thesis was on the connection between verbal violence and domestic violence. Women can talk circles around men, and often do, and when the men don't have an "answer," they resort to fists. (he was a fascinating bloke, a former rodeo rider, now studying domestic violence!)
There is a connection, and I'm female and have had female friends who could really pour on the verbal violence. I used to do it myself - talking to this ex-rodeo rider was a bit of a turning point for me, in observing how I talked to my spouse.
Yet feminists have long been pushing to have verbal bullying recognized as 'domestic abuse'...
I can think of at least 3 occasions when feminists have changed course and pushed against their own definitions being used, due to those definitions showing women as being more abusive than men.
And this: https://web.archive.org/web/20190607102158/https://web.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
It does cut both ways - if you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist (male or female) - verbal abuse definitely takes its toll.
I have, mother of my daughter. Abusive and controlling in the relationship and, surprise surprise, blocked contact with my daughter when I left.
That's what got me to learning about this stuff in the first place.
Pizzey is (I hope she's still around) an amazing lady.
Here: https://web.archive.org/web/20190607102158/https://web.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
1st Rule of Politics: Never fix an issue that you can re-elected on.
I'm proud to be very different from that, and work on the basis you pay me a lot, because you only need me once :)
Am reminded of that old PSA:
"This is your war.
This is your war on drugs."
I know. I have come to believe that they either have donтАЩt really know how to help or they have an agenda that is dictated by the APA, or their personal style or program.
Embrace the power of "Repeat Customer."
I was thinking that as well. I know everyone isn't like that. I also know most therapist's hands are tied. It seems a little useless sometimes. I don't know. I don't want to give up.
Don't give up.
ItтАЩs hard these days. Thanks
You bet