crying is not an emergency

rights structures for right thinking people

“must be this tall to ride” is the sign we all remember from amusement parks as kids. it was the bane of littledom, the thing that kept you off the cool rides, and the thing you were overjoyed to grow past taking your long coveted place on spinners and roller coasters with the big kids.

but there was another rule as well, a rule to protect the fun kids from the wussie kids and keep the world running as it should. that rule was this:

when you really break it down, this rule is a rights structure and a good one.

you’re tall enough to ride so you can come on this ride. but this ride may scare some people, so make your choice wisely. if you have a tantrum mid spin and freak out, no one will stop the ride for you. it’s not everyone else’s problem, it’s yours. it’s on you and you’ll just have to suffer through it.

this may seem cruel but it’s not. it’s essential. there is no other rights structure that can sustain a functioning amusement park.

consider:

what if we create the opposite rights structure? what if, instead, crying IS an emergency and the ride will be instantly stopped every time some kid has a meltdown or gets scared or wets themselves?

the ride is going to stop a lot.

and every time it does, every other kid will lose out. the fun they were having will be curtailed, their good times rolled up and subjugated to the needs of the crybaby crybully and their “emergency.”

this sets up terrible incentives.

wussie kids will line up to ride because they know that if it’s too much, they can just put everyone else out at any time, force the world to bend and accommodate their fearful frailty, and drag everything to a stop because they are the center of attention, the center of concern, and they set the low bar standard for “is the ride allowed to go on?”

worse, it enables the narcissistic crybully untoughened up buttercup kids to deliberately get in line just so they can grind the ride to a halt reveling in their thin skinned pathos and mistaking it for importance or worse, for some standard to which the non-wussified can be forcefully held granting power, prestige, and the illusion of purpose to the carefully cultivated and curated lunatic lamentations of a whole new class of problem people in problem glasses.

it essentially grants the brake lever to anyone who claims to be afraid and places society at the mercy of the most theatrically histrionic.

the whole thing rapidly devolves to a “shanaynay” level pastiche of actively absurd activism that so long ago lost the plot that it cannot even tell that it is making fun of itself.

meet virgie tovar, who i swear is a real person, not joking, and has an actual government position working for san francisco as its “weight stigma czar.” this woman is the uncontested actual avatar of the ostentatiously insane narcissism complex seeking to intrude upon all norms and sense to violate them as some sort of self-aggrandizing power play of broken bossypants bullshittery.

flawless indeed.

however bad what you think the takes emerging from this alleged intellectual are going to be, trust me, you’re not ready for this. come along with kitty as virgil and tour this new circle of hell. come along and learn about the grave threat to humanity posed by the unchecked horror of the CFRI.

(pressing play indicates consent. the ride will not stop if you start to cry)

it’s the whole package. it’s the awful, patronizing sing songy kindergarten teacher from some wokester demonscape voice espousing ideas that would have been a saturday night live skit in the 80’s as though they are profound intellectual doctrine in the unwitting self-parody of overfed fat people claiming that others not wanting big slices of cake is oppression. the drama kids are taking irrelevance theater to whole new levels here.

“unserious people” does not even begin to capture this.

the parody by parallel writes itself.

but aside from the realpolitik ridiculousness of thinking this is an issue that needs a government czar to ride herd upon and the obvious elevation of ill health and ill calibration as colonization of everyone else’s previously safe cake spaces, there is a deeper issue here that comes back to “crying is not an emergency.”

this whole patronizing pathos is precisely crying as an emergency. it has become a dominant and colonizing paradigm intruding upon everyone’s nice time and ability to come together turning cake time into political struggle session of slice selection and “secret santa” into “undisclosed non-denominational gift giver.”

this has saturated society with wet pants hall monitors.

we’ve allowed every crying kid to stop any ride at any time by opening their wussie yaps and wailing. and it’s grinding the whole world to a halt because this inapt and inverted rights structure grants free license to the cartoon cranium theater kids to get up on stage and perform.

there is a reason it’s all drag queens and loopy-loos. we’re giving out free cookies to every mouse that asks and then offering up glasses of milk and seats by the fire every time they squeak that anyone that does not cheer “so stunning, so brave” about whatever new hyper-cultivated grievance grounded in whatever nonsense is fashionable today is oppressing them.

this is quite literally incentivizing miscalibration prancing around claiming to be “miss calibration.”

and only one vision and one rights structure may prevail.

here as so many hundreds of other places, either every ride must screech to stillness and become a kabuki session of overwrought faux-tolerance to accommodate every kid who cries or we must once more declare that “crying is not an emergency” and stop this pretense that every drama kid who wants a little limelight time can claim control of our interactions as though someone had died and made them queen of caketime.

this is government of the frail by the frailer cheer led by the attention seeking, an open invitation and incentive to act out and conjure grievance and oppression narrative from fantastical pretext.

it’s jam spread before anthills of ill governance and worse calibration, a race to the bottom of a “consensus” to which no one really subscribes. it’s the opposite of progress, liberty, and sanity. it’s an endless, tedious road to nowhere anyone should ever have to go. it’s weaponized empathy as vector of colonization.

and this is why crying cannot be an emergency.

this is what growing up and toughening up is the only path for buttercups to participate in society.

sorry, not sorry. the ride is the ride. you can either get it together and participate or you can go do something else but the demand that the world be nerfed and made performatively ridiculous to accommodate any and all tantrum no matter how false or feckless is not a rights structure conducive to a civilization that sound humans would wish to inhabit.

fortunately, the solution is simple and as is so often the case, the words of the master may inform us here:

i’ll go first.

(truth hurts, donut?”