232 Comments
User's avatar
Mike's avatar

Guess I can tell my wife that I drank 0 beers before dinner today!

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Keahi's avatar

YESSSS!! OMG my mind reels. I spent zero time shopping on the internet today. I gained zero pounds over the holidays. No, honey, there were zero men before you!

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Dr Linda's avatar

Another great one! I like redefining zero. Wonder if that would work for my bank account?

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Notyours's avatar

I'm trying it with the mortgage lender.

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Swabbie Robbie's avatar

Don't! They will probably increase your mortgage by 8.8%

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Dr Linda's avatar

Good point but wait won’t that be .3% since 8.5 equals zero?

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Notyours's avatar

So glad you posted this while I was still on hold!

They must have sloths working there.

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Dr Linda's avatar

Prefect!

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Bootsorourke's avatar

hahaha

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Vanda Salvini's avatar

I think Gato's malo sense of humour is rubbing off on all of us!

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

LOL!

My marriage contract has a material adverse clause that specifically states that beer does not count towards alcohol consumption.

JJ, my wife is a saint. thank God.

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Keahi's avatar

Wait, are you saying that there is alcohol in beer? BEER??? Oh no, that's just not true. Beer is food.

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libertate's avatar

I can verify.

I once lived almost exclusively on Guinness for months.

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Keahi's avatar

A healthy, well-balanced and nutritious diet. I approve. Where were you living - in Ireland, perhaps? I am curious to learn the circumstances, if you feel like sharing. Sounds intriguing.

And did you know? Gargling with Guinness is excellent for a sore throat, or for anyone who is taxing the vocal chords with singing, acting, etc.. I learned this from my acting teacher, who learned it from his teacher, Lawrence Olivier. He would spit it out, but I myself swallow after gargling. Waste not, want not.

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Janet's avatar

I used to have bad toothaches. Only thing that helped was gargling with Jim Beam. Some of it obviously got in my system cause I was feelin’ NO pain after awhile. Hint: Don’t try this before having to leave the house. 🤪😵‍💫🥃

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Keahi's avatar

Ah, Alcohol, blessing and curse! My grandmother swore by Lydia Pinkham's Herbal Compound, a popular remedy for "female complaints", that dated from the 1870s but which is still around today in modified form. The original alcohol content escapes me but it was something like 22%. Mrs. Pinkham, born a Quaker, knew what she was doing when she whipped up that brew. Couple toots of that during your monthlies and you'll be feeling finer than frog hair. I say it beats the hell out of prescription and OTC pharmas, opioids, etc..

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libertate's avatar

Up in the barbarian northlands of my youth, we would rub the gums of our teething infants with Jim Beam (or Jack Daniels, for the Philistines), an excellent palliative and highly effective at sending little Susie to the Land of Nod.

We used to call it Alaskan Anbesol.

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libertate's avatar

As a destitute student and traveller in the U.K., back when the pound was strong, making the Irish elixir a crucial component of survival.

Had never heard of the Guinness gargle (although I vaguely remember waking up with a Guinness gargoyle on occasion), what a fantastic idea! Especially given the source.

Once removed from Olivier. How very fortunate. Really would have liked to have met that man in person. What an incredible life and talent.

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Keahi's avatar

Yes, I have worshiped Olivier all my life, since childhood. His student Terence Knapp, who was my teacher, was an amazing man himself. He had some lovely stories about Sir Larry and the other greats from back in the day during his time at RADA. None of which I can recall these days. Terry had embraced Olivier's spitting thing (read about it, he spat all over Merle Oberon whilst filming "Wuthering Heights", how terribly romantic). I learned to never sit in the front row without a raincoat, if Terry was giving a performance. Quite the shower bath. Smelling of Guinness, no doubt.

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CMCM's avatar

I lived in Ireland for a year. A very old farmer neighbor always gave Guinness to his sick cows. He swore by its healing powers!

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Keahi's avatar

That is wonderful! Thanks for sharing that story.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Man can not live on bread alone...

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Raptor's avatar

Oh is THAT why you drop shots in your beers! Nice planning on that contract Ryan.

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Keahi's avatar

A happy marriage is an example to us all.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Classic! Thx for starting my day with a belly laugh!

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Dr Linda's avatar

Perfect!

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SimulationCommander's avatar

"Prices of TVs dropped, so we just need to buy more TVs to beat inflation!"

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INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

the tomatoes on the other hand... and the chicken... and the other food items... oh well long as we have TV ! (I don't have one, I want food !)

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SimulationCommander's avatar

Just try eating your TV -- it might be cake!

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Timothy Sullivan's avatar

that would be a tv dinner. thank you, i'll be here all week.

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Keahi's avatar

Well played, sir, well played.

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Dr Linda's avatar

Brilliant

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Bootsorourke's avatar

har!

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Bandit's avatar

Groan. 😏

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INGRID C DURDEN's avatar

I have to tear the screen off my laptop then. No TV here. But you are very welcome to cook yours. Who knows, it might be better than the graphene in the jabs !!!

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Dr Linda's avatar

Ooh, then cell phones can be tapas

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Rikard's avatar

The cake is a lie, I've been told repeatedly over the years.

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SomeDude's avatar

nice Portal reference (which I only recognize because of my teenage son)

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Gathering Goateggs's avatar

Black Mesa, is that you?

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Dr Linda's avatar

Just let us eat cake?

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

You're losing money if you don't...:)

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rmac's avatar

She’s a perfect example of what it takes to be on staff in the FJB administration. No skills and not aware that you don’t have any skills.

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Keahi's avatar

Tremendously talented at writing (or at least reciting) fiction.

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Rosemary B's avatar

I imagine she gets paid very well, easily $150+K ?

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JoshTul's avatar

$180,000 - max due to cap .... anything less would be racist

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Keahi's avatar

So true!

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Keahi's avatar

We'll never know. Perhaps she doesn't know either, since her math skills are so poor.

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Epaminondas's avatar

This was such an innumerate comment by Jean-Pierre that it physically hurt. Does she really think that different growth rates of completely unrelated categories can just be summed together??? Good Lord.

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Keahi's avatar

She is a parrot. She doesn't think, she recites what she is told to recite.

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Bandit's avatar

Equity.

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CuiBono?'s avatar

😂😂

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Michele's avatar

Math is racist, stop holding her to account on some outmoded standard.

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Jimmy Gleeson's avatar

The trolley should be the new mascot of the left. You know, because it was the way you went to the neighborhood of make believe.

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el gato malo's avatar

meow meow meow meow meow meow!

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Momo's avatar

Henrietta Pussycat!

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Bootsorourke's avatar

Oh no! I don't speak feline anymore!

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Integrity and Karma's avatar

You used to and have lost that ability?? Do we need to check our acronyms for stroke?

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RegretLeft's avatar

I am more astonished that the "Biden Whitehouse" yesterday disowned the Trump Raid "not consulted" i.e. "wasn't us, talk to the deep state" ! Not even hiding it anymore.

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SimulationCommander's avatar

And that actually might be worse. The FBI raiding a former president and not even telling the executive branch that they're doing it?

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Rosemary B's avatar

agree. Where the heck are we going with this.

We can thank Oblamer for all of this. He had 8 years to destroy our country

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CMCM's avatar

Remember Obama's words that "we are now going to fundamentally change America." Yes, he sure did.

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Raptor's avatar

I think the pat line for the left is "I didn't know about it until I read it in the papers". Everyone just nods. "Oh yes. Most certainly! That makes the utmost sense. Thank you!"

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Bandit's avatar

Or heard it on CNN.

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Keahi's avatar

Nope, they're finally done with any pretense. And some consider this a good thing. Time to UNMASK and take the gloves off, already.

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RegretLeft's avatar

Well, yeah, but remember their bare hands are on the throttle of F-15s etc!

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Keahi's avatar

Good point. Which is exactly why Obama put so much effort into "reforming" the military, with "his" people.

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Dr Linda's avatar

Nice

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Locke's Conscience's avatar

I thought Twitter had very strict standards against misinformation....

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J T's avatar

Every rule has an exception, I guess.

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SomeDude's avatar

Twitter has very strict standards /based on/ government misinformation

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MoodyP's avatar

When you look at row crops and grains in the Table-2 breakdown of food prices the input price cost is easy to spot.

Annualizing the price outcomes, we see:

Flour at +60% in June and +38% in July.

Bread overall at +19% in June, and +34% in July.

Crackers at 12% in June, and +40% in July.

Massive food inflation incoming, the 3rd wave, as all the energy, fertilizer, labor and other jacked up input costs come home to roost. No pun intended.

Hat Tip Sundance at CTH.

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Keahi's avatar

As the cost of feed for all livestock goes up and up, expect all forms of meat, including chicken, to go ballistic. And they know it, and boy are they softening us up for it. Check your local grocery store, count the "Beyond (name that animal protein)" ads. Soylent Green is here.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

It's like the movie 127 hours; we'll have to eat are arms off to get protein.

Deflation Donner Party Diet Plan:

Bring your fork...

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Keahi's avatar

No fork necessary. It's finger food, remember. "Donner party of five!"...then "Donner party of four!"...Donner party of three!". My sister-in-law used to announce that on the PA at her favorite restaurant, when it was busy and people were waiting a long time for a table.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

hahaha. you're good!

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Swabbie Robbie's avatar

and gas a bit lower because people are driving less. Travel trailer companies are going to 3 day work weeks and even one week on, one week off schedules because they are choking on inventory. We do a trip for groceries only one time a week instead of every time we need a few things. I invested in an low-mid range $ electric bike because it can take me 20 miles even if I don't use pedal assist and cost 10 cents to recharge the battery.

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JohnnyB's avatar

I prefer being called Honkey over Cracker. And I don't think my value went up 40% in July, just saying.

Hat tip to being an equal opportunity racist. 😎

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handyman's avatar

I guess if they are going to re-define violence, and racism, and woman, and recession, they might as well do the same for inflation.

As I understand it the price index for July didn't increase relative to June, so they are calling it zero inflation, despite the fact that traditionally it is reported as year over year value.

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Anon38901932047's avatar

IMHO, the Fed is saying that prices were still rising in July, but not as fast as they were rising in June.

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Integrity and Karma's avatar

Yes, we know. It's at 40+year levels...but at least not racing as fast as last month. Kinda like when it stalled out a tiny bit in April...but then roared back so as not to be outdone...

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Gathering Goateggs's avatar

This is like running your car into the back wall of the garage and claiming "I couldn't have hit anything -- I was slowing down!"

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AM Schimberg's avatar

Is this like when I go shopping and buy $1000 of things on sale for just $800, and tell my husband I SAVED him $200?

Or maybe this is like the math that told us the shots were 98% effective?

Numbers are so conveniently malleable!

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libertate's avatar

Just when you think the gaslight can't be cranked up any higher...

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Gaslighting is a fake word libertate!

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libertate's avatar

Not in my world.

You know, the one you just live in.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Hmmm. I betcha that's a cold, dark and foreboding place. Perhaps gaslighting would keep me warm there?...:]

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Rikard's avatar

Lighting gas might keep you warm. Briefly.

And at the rate the price of beans is climbing, I don't know if it's fissible.

Edit: okay that joke was apparently so bad Substack refused to post it! "Something went wrong" it says in red. Oh well, that'll learn me trying to be funny.

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libertate's avatar

Well, after the Great Reset, for those still well-heeled enough to afford beans, expect this new product to arrive at your local Climate Commissariat that has been extensively beta-tested on the more traditional sort of cattle:

Behold the FartPack.

https://www.thedailystar.net/fartpack-20645

For an additional fee, a customized rear nozzle and tube assembly is available.

Otherwise, expect to be monitored for leakage.

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Rikard's avatar

Hm, I think I'll invest in the "Nixitch" instead:

https://auctionet.com/sv/608578-ask-nixitch-fran-filmen-agget-ar-lost-delades-ut-pa-premiaren-i-lund-1975

It's a promo-gadget from a swedish film premiered in 1975, scroll down a tad and you'll see a skincloured thingamabob and a yellow box.

Part of the story of the (quietly psychedelic) film is, this prodict is the straw that breaks the back - it's made from eggs and is more profitable than selling eggs, creating an egg shortage, riots, and finally armed insurrection and anarchy. People simply got fed up that the beastly industrialist owning the Nixitch factory (Max von Sydow) got even richer by selling a resource-destroying ass-scratcher, rather than food.

Yeah, it's social commentary against rampant destructive capitalism and communism alike.

If you can find the film, "Ägget är löst" (which is a pun, referring to soft-boiled eggs - 'löst') it's well worth an hour and a half, even without dub.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

my last comment was a joke. don't get mad at me. we are in potty humor territory...:}

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Sounds like you've been traipsing through the DarkStar Web.........

It's okay libertate, I'm comfortable with your proclivities

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

The most feasible explanation:

Nothing went wrong. Don't try again...:]

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Youre the funniest guy on the stacks' imo Rikard

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Rikard's avatar

Thanks, spending the day in the sun painting have some happy side-effects it seems...

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libertate's avatar

It is like the upside-down.

As long as you bring your own flame-thrower, you are cool.

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Bandit's avatar

Gaslighting will heat up your temper. Being told lies pisses me off, at least.

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Blaine Smith's avatar

2+2=potato. *Whispers* not a joke, not a joke.

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Dr Linda's avatar

Hey, that’s my pronoun. You calling me fat? : ) Trying out leftoid logic.

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Janet's avatar

Leftoid logic! Luvin it!

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Bootsorourke's avatar

hahahaha!

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Jestre's avatar

Not wrong, just switching the metric. Month to month vs year to year. The problem is both are wild underestimates of how inflation impacts most people in terms of purchasing power. 0% MtM inflation isn't exactly something to celebrate as the prices become permanent fixtures in people's lives.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

Yup.

Ask the family of four trying to meet ends. The mean income of a family of four is just under $80k.

I hope those folks are ANGRY.

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SomeDude's avatar

80K? That's close to 4x the maximum income I've ever had for a family of four.

I could live /well/ on that. Pay off my house in a single year with the surplus over the minimum of what is needed to actually live on.

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

So you live off $20,000 per year and have a family?

You are definitely better than most with budgeting and finding creative ways to save money.

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SomeDude's avatar

I currently support myself completely and my son half time on 13K a year, since the scamdemic dropped my job to half time hours or less for the last two and a half years. Between 2007 and 2017, I made under 20K yearly ($10/hr or less) and had no issues supporting a family of four.

My idea of budgeting is paying for housing, utilities, food, fuel, and house/auto insurance first then any money left over is spendable or saveable.

There's no creativity about it... When one has never in a half century lived outside of the poverty-line level socio-economic caste, you learn not to waste money on expensive things that aren't crucial and to reduce/reuse and buy used instead of new whenever possible.

My main savings is not paying rent. The creativity would apply to locating owner-financed housing for purchase because banks hate my level of income.

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Gathering Goateggs's avatar

There are several good reasons that prices year over year are used to express inflation metrics; one is that it's the easiest way to remove seasonality without having to resort to a lot of fancy autocorrelation error corrections.

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Jestre's avatar

Yes, YoY is obviously better. Both are flawed. But it is common parlance (albeit less common than YoY) to use MtM inflation numbers as well.

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Stephen J Wood's avatar

Reading comprehension is a product of the white male patriarchy. There’s no room for that malarkey in the New World Order!

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Keahi's avatar

Thank you for that timely reminder, Citizen!

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Cruising Economist's avatar

Watch what happens. The Fed's attempts to constrain credit will trigger a deflationary collapse (probably already the case) after which it will respond with higher, and accelerating, rates of monetary debasement. Short nominal rates having been pushed to zero the avoid hangovers stay drunk strategy is over. Decades of monetary and fiscal distortion must now be wrung from the system through either inflationary collapse (easy bet) or deflationary collapse. Happy endings never follow such distortions, and those extant are extreme by historic standards. Doubt it? Just study financial history.

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Locke's Conscience's avatar

Perfect time for them to rapidly develop a central bank digital currency....

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Cruising Economist's avatar

The US dollar is already essentially digital. No printing is required to debase the IOUnothing fiat we call the dollar. New dollars are created through nothing more than accounting entries at the Fed and within the financial system. A true digital currency will make it easier for the government to track and control your financial activity but it won't do anything to address monetary and fiscal distortions which are going to lead to a secular financial collapse; now likely imminent. There is zero reason to expect a happy ending given current conditions.

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Locke's Conscience's avatar

Don't assume the CBDC will be denominated in "USD".

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Cruising Economist's avatar

Perhaps not but renaming the unit of account and making it wholly digital won't do anything to resolve decades of monetary and fiscal distortion. If there were a transition to a true digital currency then it would be debased at an accelerating rate to avoid deflationary collapse, resulting in inflationary collapse of the new unit of account.

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SnowInTheWind's avatar

That would be why it would have to be attached to a social credit scheme. Low scorers would have large fractions of their assets liquidated, which would keep the rest of the economy stable.

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Luelle's avatar

Authoritarian nut-job dictators have the lowest social credit scores imo. I wish that people under their spell (e.g., Chinese, etc.) would effectively and cleverly "fight" back, but I guess they are too oppressed to even come up with organized plans to do so, anymore, or else when they do, it doesn't ever work. Americans must Resist the Great Reset with everything we have got in us. Second amendment must be defended for as long as the country endures, even by people who don't necessarily want to own weapons or use such. People in countries without that human right protectively intact appear to always fall under utterly corrupt oligarchies.

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SimulationCommander's avatar

You say this like it hasn't been happening for the last 15 years :)

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Cruising Economist's avatar

We've seen interim financial cycles which bounce in a few years. The inbound financial collapse will be secular in nature; a very different beast requiring 30 years, give or take, for recovery if history is any guide. Again look at the history. Deflate the S&P 500 through the secular collapse of the 70's and you'll see the peak was in 1968, bottom almost 70% lower in 1982 and recovery to the 68 level in 1994. But you weren't actually back to even, 26 years later, because you then had a capital gains tax liability on the phantom 300% nominal gain. And the 1970's secular collapse was moderate by historic standards. This secular collapse is not going to be moderate. BTW, performance of bonds was even worse.

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I am not your Other's avatar

God how I wish I could Heimlich this sh!t away.

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Keahi's avatar

I'm thinking Ex-lax, or maybe a good enema. Though with friends like those, who needs enemas?

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Ryan Gardner's avatar

The only way to do that today is by doing the hind-licker maneuver

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Keahi's avatar

You're on a roll again, Ryan.

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