I wish I could like this 1,000 times. I work in education and have observed this for years. Well-intentioned (and some less so) people never want to see kids struggle. Medication is a “quick fix” that everyone relies on. Normal behavior is made into a diagnosis to avoid dealing with it. And IEPs are relied upon to place the burden of making things easier for kids on adults rather than teaching the children how to overcome their struggles themselves. It absolutely has created many of the problems we see in young people today.
Parents’ fear dictates their kids’ lives. This is not being a parent (I hate the word “parenting.”) YOU are the adult - master or mask your fear and let kids do the stuff. ALL the stuff. There will be blood and broken bones and potential fire or flooding in your house, and you still let them do the stuff. (When we went on date night we told our kids “DO NOT CALL US except for fire, flood, broken bones, or copious amounts of blood!”) Will you be scared? Of course. Should you let the kids know that? Absolutely not. And you should also FOLLOW THROUGH with discipline. If you threaten a consequence, you have to follow through with it no matter how “inconvenient” it is. Helicopter parenting is one of the worst ills on society.
Tim Ferriss shared this quote this week, and it’s pertinent:
“I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable. All these and other factors combined, if the circumstances are right, can teach and can lead to rebirth.”
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh
(Click here to share on Twitter)
Compassion without struggle is soul-destroying, but so is struggle without purpose. Before we tear down Chesterton’s Fence of Achievement Awards (and we ought to), we need to find out why it’s there.
The people who went through *that* system created *this* one. The aggressors cemented their strategies and the victims their resentment.
The smaller the stakes, the uglier the game. And now, the Fed and bureaucratic totalitarianism have created a hamstrung ecosystem of dependency and meaninglessness, and people are desperate to make sense of why they are so miserable.
Buttercup gotta toughen up, but also needs a *reason* to.
Civilization needs a beating heart, and the throne has been usurped by technocratic diktat. We have to also add back purpose and meaning.
Eight year old girls getting brutally beaten by 13 year old racist bullies on the school bus aren’t experiencing coddling, they are just experiencing misery. That is not the way.
Thank you el gato malo - nailed it. One thing I heard (once or twice) as a girl, after being disappointed or hurt was "don't trip over your lip."
I was raised by a single Mom and her folks. After a rare day trip to a local small town, we all got a piece of candy while there. Think "designer chocolate." This was a bit of a big deal, because money was tight. Well, after I got home, I took a bite, put it down on a napkin to save for later. I went back later - gone. Grandpa had eaten it, asked me what I was looking for..."this will teach you - don't trust anyone, not even me." But he said it laughing, not with malice. One of the best lessons ever.
Meanwhile those who rule over us are busy actually erasing/altering actual pathologies like psychopathic from clinical diagnosis books, because they will not tolerate calling things what they actually are. That also applies to your main point. Along with “toughen up buttercup”, we need to bring back “calling a spade a spade.”
I make it look easy. It is anything BUT. I can't tell you how many people over the years have told me that I just don't have the struggles they have (and it's not fair!).
Because my life looks easy to people who do not see my normal life struggles; because I don't whine about it -- I am told I have "privilege."
There are so many people my age (older) who talk about their privilege guilt. (this is another way of inducing people to attack themselves).
Life is supposed to be hard, and you get knocked down. Then you have a choice -- stay there and complain about it, or pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn the lesson and grow from it; toughen up while you develop compassion and good boundaries. This can happen in a healthy environment, which we currently do not have.
I just wonder if our desire for individualism and freedom as a culture, both good things generally speaking, has actually added to our sense of loneliness and separation. Add that to working from home, social media addictions, no organic free play for kids... yikes. How do we fix this?
We are fortunate to have a close family and to live in the same city as our adult children, and this is our core unit against the world. We are also Gen X (hubs is very late Boomer) and have often repeated some of these same tough phrases to our progeny, hearing with great angst that we were the meanest parents. But we aren’t paying their bills, they don’t live in the basement and they all know what gender they are. I’m sure we will all face tough times. I have battled mental health issues, which seem to be genetic after having lost a parent and great aunt to suicide, but the meds they gave me made it far worse.
Would love to hear everyone’s suggestions for retrieving our resilience as a people.
Visited the zoo on Monday with my 12 month girl. She’s a climber. Her hand got stuck climbing up a bench. She was screaming Bc she was angry. I encouraged to push. That’s it. People stared at me like I was alien. 3 seconds later, she’s free and bouncing on top of the bench. She’s more like a silver back. I was disturbed at people’s reaction. That letting her work through a difficulty was some horrific miscarriage of parenting.
it all leads back to pharma, illegal drugs, alcohol.
That "pink haired girl with the eyebrows" looks hilariously funny.
My dad and I were wandering (loitering) around a Bed Bath and Beyond store way back BC (before covid)
He was about 95 I think, and we saw a girl and her mom shopping for college clutter. She had eyebrows exactly like that girls, but blacker and wider. When I first saw her in the store, serious face, loading up the shopping cart with her mom.... I could not believe what I was looking at, and immediately burst out laughing uncontrollably - laughing so hard I was trying to contain it and I really was not able to. My dad looked at me (and he does like a good laugh) and I dragged him over to another aisle and tried to explain the appearance of that girl. So we went out and dad gazed in that general direction. He started laughing too. Then we both needed to leave that section of the store. My daddy said (he is from Holland) those eyebrows were as fat as Hitlers mustache.
Aaah the little things. I think we laughed about that for a whole week. So seeing this on your blog today brought back that memory. when we left the store, both of us were so sore in the stomach from laughing
It would be nice to have tougher kids. My son in laws mom was very spoiled protected and coddled and she ended up raising two rather wimpy sons. Physically they are strong, but mentally they just blow up.
I am "suffering" the consequences of that for the past 10 months.
At the last multi-day power outage, the condominium tin-pot hall monitors known as the board sent out a notification that candles were not allowed because it was important to keep the kiddies safe. Of course, to use or not use candles should be the parents' decision, but how are kids supposed to figure out how to use fire safely if they don't have experience with it when they're young? Bozo the clown world.
The wording suggested that candles weren't even allowed in apartments with no kids. Screw that. I use candles.
“all we have to do is stop describing any struggle as disease and discord and let humans go be humans to struggle and strive and fail and succeed but most of all to grow and grow confident and self-sufficient.”
“and we will once more begin to thrive.”
AMEN TO THAT! You are one, awesome, bad cat. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Maybe try putting your kids (and yourselves) on a natural human diet - meat, meat and more meat ! Sprinkle in some fruit and veg if you want. Treat all the middle isles in a grocery store where all the packaged garbage is sold, like a toxic waste zone and for god sakes pump some iron ! I don’t care how old you are. You can thank me later.
15 years ago I bought myself and my 3 eldest sons boxing gloves and mouth guards. We'd go into the back yard and pound on each other. It was fun, for me at least. Kidding, we all had fun and made sure that we didn't punch/kick at 100%. The neighbours seemed amused and no authorities were ever called. We said 'suck it up, buttercup' though.
I wish I could like this 1,000 times. I work in education and have observed this for years. Well-intentioned (and some less so) people never want to see kids struggle. Medication is a “quick fix” that everyone relies on. Normal behavior is made into a diagnosis to avoid dealing with it. And IEPs are relied upon to place the burden of making things easier for kids on adults rather than teaching the children how to overcome their struggles themselves. It absolutely has created many of the problems we see in young people today.
In praise of lawn darts is my most favorite el gato too and I link it instead of saying cry about it!! <3
Parents’ fear dictates their kids’ lives. This is not being a parent (I hate the word “parenting.”) YOU are the adult - master or mask your fear and let kids do the stuff. ALL the stuff. There will be blood and broken bones and potential fire or flooding in your house, and you still let them do the stuff. (When we went on date night we told our kids “DO NOT CALL US except for fire, flood, broken bones, or copious amounts of blood!”) Will you be scared? Of course. Should you let the kids know that? Absolutely not. And you should also FOLLOW THROUGH with discipline. If you threaten a consequence, you have to follow through with it no matter how “inconvenient” it is. Helicopter parenting is one of the worst ills on society.
Nothing worth it is ever easy. If it was easy, everyone would already be doing it.
In my home it was "I'll give you something to cry about," which was code for a momentous ass beating. It was highly effective.
Tim Ferriss shared this quote this week, and it’s pertinent:
“I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable. All these and other factors combined, if the circumstances are right, can teach and can lead to rebirth.”
— Anne Morrow Lindbergh
(Click here to share on Twitter)
Compassion without struggle is soul-destroying, but so is struggle without purpose. Before we tear down Chesterton’s Fence of Achievement Awards (and we ought to), we need to find out why it’s there.
The people who went through *that* system created *this* one. The aggressors cemented their strategies and the victims their resentment.
The smaller the stakes, the uglier the game. And now, the Fed and bureaucratic totalitarianism have created a hamstrung ecosystem of dependency and meaninglessness, and people are desperate to make sense of why they are so miserable.
Buttercup gotta toughen up, but also needs a *reason* to.
Civilization needs a beating heart, and the throne has been usurped by technocratic diktat. We have to also add back purpose and meaning.
Eight year old girls getting brutally beaten by 13 year old racist bullies on the school bus aren’t experiencing coddling, they are just experiencing misery. That is not the way.
Thank you el gato malo - nailed it. One thing I heard (once or twice) as a girl, after being disappointed or hurt was "don't trip over your lip."
I was raised by a single Mom and her folks. After a rare day trip to a local small town, we all got a piece of candy while there. Think "designer chocolate." This was a bit of a big deal, because money was tight. Well, after I got home, I took a bite, put it down on a napkin to save for later. I went back later - gone. Grandpa had eaten it, asked me what I was looking for..."this will teach you - don't trust anyone, not even me." But he said it laughing, not with malice. One of the best lessons ever.
Meanwhile those who rule over us are busy actually erasing/altering actual pathologies like psychopathic from clinical diagnosis books, because they will not tolerate calling things what they actually are. That also applies to your main point. Along with “toughen up buttercup”, we need to bring back “calling a spade a spade.”
I make it look easy. It is anything BUT. I can't tell you how many people over the years have told me that I just don't have the struggles they have (and it's not fair!).
Because my life looks easy to people who do not see my normal life struggles; because I don't whine about it -- I am told I have "privilege."
There are so many people my age (older) who talk about their privilege guilt. (this is another way of inducing people to attack themselves).
Life is supposed to be hard, and you get knocked down. Then you have a choice -- stay there and complain about it, or pick yourself up, dust yourself off, learn the lesson and grow from it; toughen up while you develop compassion and good boundaries. This can happen in a healthy environment, which we currently do not have.
I just wonder if our desire for individualism and freedom as a culture, both good things generally speaking, has actually added to our sense of loneliness and separation. Add that to working from home, social media addictions, no organic free play for kids... yikes. How do we fix this?
We are fortunate to have a close family and to live in the same city as our adult children, and this is our core unit against the world. We are also Gen X (hubs is very late Boomer) and have often repeated some of these same tough phrases to our progeny, hearing with great angst that we were the meanest parents. But we aren’t paying their bills, they don’t live in the basement and they all know what gender they are. I’m sure we will all face tough times. I have battled mental health issues, which seem to be genetic after having lost a parent and great aunt to suicide, but the meds they gave me made it far worse.
Would love to hear everyone’s suggestions for retrieving our resilience as a people.
Visited the zoo on Monday with my 12 month girl. She’s a climber. Her hand got stuck climbing up a bench. She was screaming Bc she was angry. I encouraged to push. That’s it. People stared at me like I was alien. 3 seconds later, she’s free and bouncing on top of the bench. She’s more like a silver back. I was disturbed at people’s reaction. That letting her work through a difficulty was some horrific miscarriage of parenting.
it all leads back to pharma, illegal drugs, alcohol.
That "pink haired girl with the eyebrows" looks hilariously funny.
My dad and I were wandering (loitering) around a Bed Bath and Beyond store way back BC (before covid)
He was about 95 I think, and we saw a girl and her mom shopping for college clutter. She had eyebrows exactly like that girls, but blacker and wider. When I first saw her in the store, serious face, loading up the shopping cart with her mom.... I could not believe what I was looking at, and immediately burst out laughing uncontrollably - laughing so hard I was trying to contain it and I really was not able to. My dad looked at me (and he does like a good laugh) and I dragged him over to another aisle and tried to explain the appearance of that girl. So we went out and dad gazed in that general direction. He started laughing too. Then we both needed to leave that section of the store. My daddy said (he is from Holland) those eyebrows were as fat as Hitlers mustache.
Aaah the little things. I think we laughed about that for a whole week. So seeing this on your blog today brought back that memory. when we left the store, both of us were so sore in the stomach from laughing
It would be nice to have tougher kids. My son in laws mom was very spoiled protected and coddled and she ended up raising two rather wimpy sons. Physically they are strong, but mentally they just blow up.
I am "suffering" the consequences of that for the past 10 months.
meh.... it could be worse.
At the last multi-day power outage, the condominium tin-pot hall monitors known as the board sent out a notification that candles were not allowed because it was important to keep the kiddies safe. Of course, to use or not use candles should be the parents' decision, but how are kids supposed to figure out how to use fire safely if they don't have experience with it when they're young? Bozo the clown world.
The wording suggested that candles weren't even allowed in apartments with no kids. Screw that. I use candles.
“all we have to do is stop describing any struggle as disease and discord and let humans go be humans to struggle and strive and fail and succeed but most of all to grow and grow confident and self-sufficient.”
“and we will once more begin to thrive.”
AMEN TO THAT! You are one, awesome, bad cat. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Maybe try putting your kids (and yourselves) on a natural human diet - meat, meat and more meat ! Sprinkle in some fruit and veg if you want. Treat all the middle isles in a grocery store where all the packaged garbage is sold, like a toxic waste zone and for god sakes pump some iron ! I don’t care how old you are. You can thank me later.
15 years ago I bought myself and my 3 eldest sons boxing gloves and mouth guards. We'd go into the back yard and pound on each other. It was fun, for me at least. Kidding, we all had fun and made sure that we didn't punch/kick at 100%. The neighbours seemed amused and no authorities were ever called. We said 'suck it up, buttercup' though.